Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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