She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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