Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
