The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Quick, to the slutcave!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
