I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
high people should be assigned attendants
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
