I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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