How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
so much tequila, so little girl.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize