so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
