shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize