I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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