I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize