In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
