I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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