My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
