I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
