But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
