Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
They have beer where we have blood.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
