It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize