Just fell off a train. Bad.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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