Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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