I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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