I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
