Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
