get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
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