i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
