So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You were trust falling into bushes
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
