Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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