The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
