I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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