I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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