can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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