Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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