Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
ok first of all what the fuck
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
