i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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