He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
