what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
