I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
