I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
