he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
