I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
