he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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