white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
