new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
