I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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