Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
