ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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