We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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