that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
