I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my being single is dangerous.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
