I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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