I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
