Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
