If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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