thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
