I think I died a long time ago.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
