I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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