Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
