You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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