Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
