im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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