my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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