I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
