Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This baby is an asshole
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
