@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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