I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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