Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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