Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
