By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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