Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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