Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
