her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
