Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
