What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
