Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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