nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
