Your mouth is God's brothel.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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