I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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