my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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