I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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