6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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