Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
