there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
