Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
ttyl tear gas
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
