well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
