Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
