Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
