Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
