In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
