if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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