Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
