Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
