Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
