i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
