Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
