If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Who died my cat blue again?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
