Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
