just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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