I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
