His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
