So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
