Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize