Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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