He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize