You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
