we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
