I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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