garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize