mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
