you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
