also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
